The impact of unrequited love on the brain

Have you ever had a crush or been in love with someone who didn’t feel the same way? Unrequited love, a love where the person doesn't love you back is a threat to your brain and overall wellbeing.

While the heart gets the credit for the love we have for someone, the truth is that we don’t love with all of our hearts, instead we love with all of our brains. The love hormones, oxytocin, dopamine, noradrenaline, serotonin, vasopressin, testosterone, and estrogen are secreted by the brain to produce feelings of love. Testosterone and estrogen drive lust. Dopamine, Noradrenaline, and serotonin create attraction, make us feel good, and cause our addiction to people we love. Oxytocin and Vasopressin bond us.

While being in love makes us feel good and is associated with pleasure and reward; unrequited love is associated with emotional distress, leading to changes in brain activity and chemistry. Being in love is associated with increased levels of dopamine. Dopamine plays a role in motivation and reward. It’s the hormone most associated with psychosis and addiction. When the love you have for someone is not reciprocated, dopamine plummets. This can cause feelings of sadness, longing, and withdrawal.

Unrequited love is stressful! As a result, the stress hormone cortisol increases significantly. Prolonged increased levels of cortisol can damage neurons in the brain’s memory centers, making it difficult to remember anything but the pain you’re experiencing because your love is not reciprocated. Elevated cortisol levels can also lead to obesity, depression, and anxiety.

The part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex can also become hyperactive when dealing with the heart break of unrequited love. Disorders such as generalized anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, which involve worry and rumination, are characterized by a hyperactive prefrontal cortex. As a result, people experiencing love that is not reciprocated will often have intrusive thoughts and heightened focus on the person who they love.

Feelings of rejection and having a love that isn’t reciprocated can have a devastating impact on self-esteem. Unrequited love can cause someone to question their level of attraction, their intelligence, whether they are a good person, or trust their ability to make certain judgements. This causes the parts of the brain related to self-awareness to change. The consequence of this may be a sense of unworthiness and a negative view of oneself.

Not everyone who has experienced unrequited love will experience these. Everyone is different and as such will respond differently to love not reciprocated based on their psychological makeup, experiences, and coping mechanisms. But if you are experiencing any of these make sure to prioritize taking great care of yourself by exercising, eating healthy, getting a good night’s sleep, and surrounding yourself with people who love and care about you. If needed, make sure to seek professional help for managing the devastating consequences that unrequited love has on the brain.